Surreal illustration symbolizing imperfect utility in relationships.

Decoding Modern Relationships: Are We Transferring the Right Kind of Affection?

Samir D’Costa in Culture & Society December 2025 • 4 min read.

"Exploring how 'Imperfectly Transferable Utility' reshapes our understanding of love, economics, and marital harmony in the digital age."

In an era where connection seems effortless yet fulfillment often feels elusive, it’s time to rethink the very foundations of our relationships. We often model our understanding of affection like money, assuming that what benefits one partner automatically benefits the other. But what if this assumption is wrong? What if love, happiness, and well-being are not so easily transferred?

The concept of 'Imperfectly Transferable Utility' (ITU) suggests that the benefits and advantages within a relationship—whether emotional, economic, or social—don't automatically translate equally between partners. This theory, originally rooted in economics, argues that there are restrictions preventing a perfect transfer of utility. Consider this: if one partner gains a career advantage, it doesn't automatically equate to an equal increase in the other partner's happiness or opportunities.

ITU invites us to examine the nuances of modern relationships. In marriages, for example, shared resources and decisions about raising children don’t always yield the same satisfaction for both partners. Power dynamics, individual desires, and personal well-being create a complex web where utility—or satisfaction—becomes imperfectly transferable. This exploration will not only deepen your understanding of affection but also offer a fresh perspective on economics, marital harmony, and personal fulfillment.

The Economics of Affection: Understanding Imperfectly Transferable Utility

Surreal illustration symbolizing imperfect utility in relationships.

Originally developed to model matching markets in economics, ITU challenges the assumption that utility—a measure of satisfaction or benefit—can be perfectly transferred between individuals. In traditional economic models, it’s often assumed that if one person gains something, the other person benefits equally. However, ITU recognizes that real-world restrictions prevent such seamless transfers. These restrictions might include:

The problem is further apparent when instead of bargaining in isolation, partners are part of a matching market, things change drastically and this distinction becomes highly relevant. To quote Chiappori (2017) (with our own emphasis), the TU setting "allows the transfer of utility between agents at a constant 'exchange rate,' so that, for a well-chosen cardinalization of individual preferences, increasing my partner's utility by one 'utile'."

Tax Systems: In labor markets, taxes create a divide between what a firm pays and what a worker receives.
Market Dynamics: Restrictions in the market prevent utility from being perfectly transferable.
Individual Preferences: Not every expenditure aligns with the interests of each partner.

ITU acknowledges that increasing one person's utility doesn't automatically increase their partner's well-being to the same extent. In fact, there is an effect on each partner as a cost of exactly one utile for me, irrespective of the economic environment, where the partner's choice is endogenous, and thus the cardinalization of individual preferences is no longer irrespective of the economic environment.

Applying ITU to Everyday Life: Fostering Healthier Relationships

By recognizing that utility is imperfectly transferable, couples can make more informed decisions that respect individual needs and preferences. Embracing this perspective encourages open communication, realistic expectations, and a deeper understanding of each other’s unique experiences. This ultimately leads to greater relationship satisfaction and resilience.

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Everything You Need To Know

What is 'Imperfectly Transferable Utility' (ITU) and how does it challenge traditional views of relationships?

'Imperfectly Transferable Utility' (ITU) is a concept that suggests the benefits and advantages within a relationship do not automatically translate equally between partners. Rooted in economics, it argues that restrictions prevent a perfect transfer of utility, meaning that one partner's gain doesn't necessarily equate to an equal increase in the other partner's happiness or opportunities. This contrasts with traditional views that often assume affection and well-being are easily transferred, similar to money, where what benefits one partner automatically benefits the other. The ITU framework is particularly relevant because it acknowledges the complexities of individual desires, power dynamics, and personal well-being within modern relationships, aspects often overlooked in simpler models.

How does 'Imperfectly Transferable Utility' (ITU) relate to economic models and marital harmony?

'Imperfectly Transferable Utility' (ITU) originated in economics to model matching markets, challenging the assumption that utility (satisfaction or benefit) can be perfectly transferred between individuals. Traditional economic models often assume that if one person gains, the other benefits equally. However, ITU recognizes real-world restrictions preventing such seamless transfers, such as tax systems creating a divide between what a firm pays and what a worker receives, or restrictions in the market preventing utility from being perfectly transferable. In marriages, ITU highlights that shared resources and decisions don’t always yield the same satisfaction for both partners, influencing marital harmony. By acknowledging that increasing one person's utility doesn't automatically increase their partner's well-being to the same extent, ITU encourages more informed and equitable decision-making within households.

What are some examples of restrictions that prevent the perfect transfer of utility according to the 'Imperfectly Transferable Utility' (ITU) model?

According to the 'Imperfectly Transferable Utility' (ITU) model, several restrictions prevent the perfect transfer of utility between individuals. These include: Tax Systems, where taxes create a divide between what a firm pays and what a worker receives, Market Dynamics, where restrictions in the market prevent utility from being perfectly transferable and Individual Preferences, where not every expenditure aligns with the interests of each partner. These restrictions highlight that increasing one person's utility doesn't automatically increase their partner's well-being to the same extent. This is especially apparent when partners are part of a matching market instead of bargaining in isolation.

How can couples apply the concept of 'Imperfectly Transferable Utility' (ITU) to foster healthier relationships?

Couples can apply the concept of 'Imperfectly Transferable Utility' (ITU) by recognizing that utility is not perfectly transferable and making more informed decisions that respect individual needs and preferences. This involves embracing open communication, setting realistic expectations, and developing a deeper understanding of each other’s unique experiences. By acknowledging that each partner's satisfaction and well-being are not automatically aligned, couples can work towards creating equitable and fulfilling relationships. This approach can lead to greater relationship satisfaction, resilience, and a stronger foundation for navigating challenges together.

What are the implications of 'Imperfectly Transferable Utility' (ITU) for understanding affection and well-being in modern relationships?

The implications of 'Imperfectly Transferable Utility' (ITU) for understanding affection and well-being in modern relationships are significant. ITU challenges the traditional assumption that affection and happiness can be seamlessly transferred between partners, similar to how money is transferred. Instead, it highlights that individual well-being is influenced by a complex web of factors, including power dynamics, personal desires, and unique experiences. By recognizing that increasing one partner's utility doesn't automatically increase the other's to the same extent, ITU encourages a more nuanced and realistic perspective on relationships. This perspective can lead to greater empathy, improved communication, and a stronger foundation for building fulfilling and equitable partnerships.